Versus Undead #1.1

Versus Undead is an Adult rated (soft) sci-fi series about an apocalyptic world getting over run with zombies and vampires. It’ll be posted on Saturday fortnights. Heh, language and adult content included so… Parental guidance is advised (????? I don’t know who’d ask their parents for permission to read this anyway). Heck, it’s nothing too graphic that you can’t pick up from the library. Enjoy!

Versus Undead #1.1

It all started with the zombies.

No one knew who triggered it. Perhaps it was some virus that were turning the humans into zombies or that a newbie summoner lost control and got the situation too much out of hand. One thing is for sure though is that zombies are totally gross decomposing things that are icky, icky disgusting.

And then, it was the vampires.

I definitely knew who started the whole trend of eternal love in this century but that vampire didn’t think that he would be a so called role model to initiates. Cliff notes to the whole saga? With the rise of the global epidemic of zombies, it didn’t make sense for some show-offy people of the underworld not to reveal themselves to the humans. So anyway, some of the humans had the ingenuity to figure out that being a vampire would suck less than being a zombie (ha, ha, I punned) and found people to turn them into one.

Unfortunately, the only ones who would turn humans into vampires were mostly young newbish vamps who thought it was all depressingly romantic to do so. Especially when they had human clinger ons who thought that they were awesome.

Which in turn led to an increase of emo hipster vampires.

Which really, really sucked (pun intended).

Which in turn was pretty much the reason why i was in a sauna room with four other mostly naked ladies.

“Laire, you know this does shit to my skin. What am I doing here?” asked Dion.

She was a dark haired beauty with chocolaty smooth skin and icy blue eyes that were almost looked clear. Currently, she was sitting across of me and was glaring annoyedly. Next to her was Linda, my sister who was being a buffer since Vanessa was sitting on her other side with Gillian sitting on furthest end. Dion never liked Vanessa but in my opinion, I figured it was totally UST – Unresolved Sexual Tension.

“I thought you’d appreciate it! We’ve even got a massage session later on,” I said pleasantly.

“No, seriously. It does nothing for my skin or body or whatever. I’m not even perspiring here,” stated Dion.

“We don’t believe you called us to just enjoy the spa in your mother’s hotel,” added Vanessa.

“Pffft, you ladies are too suspicious,” I muttered and fanned myself with a hand while holding up the large white towel around me.

“Laire, you don’t ask us for a spa session in the middle of a zombie apocalypse even if it’s free,” pointed out Gillian.

All of them stared at me, except for Linda since she was looking every where else but me as if embarrassed to be there in the first place.

“Maybe that is the best time for a spa session to be had? No?” I said as they shook their heads at me.

“Sis… Why don’t you just tell them…” muttered Linda.

“Oh fiiiine.”

So much for counting on her being my emotional support and all. I took a deep breath and dropped my towel as I stood naked in front of them.

“Ladies, I need your help in stopping the eventual demise of mankind”.

There was a pause as three ladies stared at me while Linda took this time to pour a ladle full of water from the wooden bucket onto the hot stones. More steam filled the sauna as I stood still in front of them.

“Did you drop your towel on purpose so we’d admire your new tattoo or distract us from what you just said?” ask Dion cautiously.

“The first and it has to do with the second too,” I admitted.

“Wait, that’s not a normal tattoo!” gasped Gillian as she got closer to my crotch to get a better look through the steam.

“Sis, why don’t you just tell it from the beginning. We’ve been here long enough and I want my massage,” groaned Linda.

I rewrapped the towel around me and sat down once more.

“Right… Well, this shouldn’t take too much time… It started three days ago,” I began.


Three days ago…
9 January 3005, 1.30pm, The White Tea Room

“Laire, I want you to destroy the zombies and vampires,” ordered Vellyst.

“Oh… Okay,” I said.


“What the fuck, Laire? Is that it?” asked Dion incredulously.

“Well, do you say no to my mother?” I demanded.

Vanessa just closed her eyes and pretended she hadn’t been listening to anything while Gillian narrowed her hers at me through the steam. Dion, well, she just clutched her towel closer to her body angrily as if I would have ripped it away from her.

“Laire, is there anything else that we should know?” asked Gillian really sweetly.

“Let me think…” I muttered.


Three days ago…
9 January 3005, 1.32pm, The White Tea Room

“And the Ladies and I will be out shopping later on, there’s a private sale going on at Lucy’s,” said Vellyst.

“Oooooh… Okay,” I said appreciatively.


“Aaaaaaaaaaah, Laire! The Ladies?” screamed Gillian.

It was undeniable, everyone heard the capital L in that word. The Ladies. You know how hell hath no fury like a woman scorned? Yeah, well, those ladies were hell. Not that they were actual hellions but they did control the underworld unofficially. The whole “Behind every successful husband is a capable wife” or some crap like that. I never did remember the correct saying or usage. In any case, the Ladies that my mother mingled with were either controlling their sphere of influence by themselves or were part of their own separate councils.

“Yes, the ladies. How do you think I got the tattoo? That was from your side of people. Come on! Look! I’ll tell you more but can’t you see this might be fun? Dion! You’re a vampire, I know I said we should kill them but only the emo ones! You know you’ve complained to me about the posers so many times. We won’t kill the really hot ones,” I said.

Dion nodded grudgingly as she listened to me. I stood up once more, confident that I would be able to convince them.

“Vanessa, you, a werewolf, you totally hate vampires and zombies are icky, icky things that are not natural,” I continued.

“Actually, we’re all supernatural, aren’t we?” commented Vanessa.

“Shut up. Oh Gillian, wise beautiful Gillian. You are people of the fae! If people keep dying, no one will believe in you and clap their hands to revive the fairies!” I exclaimed.

“You realize the Peter Pan thing is fictional, right? I mean, we’re absolutely not tiny or have dust that-” she started.

“And me! Beautiful, delectable me. A creature of desire, my auburn hair as red as fire. My eyes, like emeralds that gleam in the dark. My smooth creamy skin, so tempting to touch. Oh God, my voluptuous body, like a Goddess!” I gasped.

And then Linda poured some more water over the hot stones, increasing the steam once more.

“Are you trying to write fanfic about yourself?” she hissed.

“No… Sorta… Feel free if you want. Anyway… AUGH, girls! Please, please, please help me stop the newbish vamps and zombies! Even if mother didn’t order me to, I would want them stopped too! You can’t have sex with dead things!” I wailed.

Dion coughed at that comment and I had to glare at her through the steam.

“Fine, I can’t have sex with dead things! A succubus can’t suck things that are dead! Well, I can but you know what I mean! Look at Linda! Look at her pale sickly face! She’s soooo, sooo hungry, the poor girl!” I said as I knelt in front of my sister.

“With all these humans getting dead, there is no one to tempt! Oh my poor Linda, so young… So flat,” I commented as I hugged her face to my bountiful chest.

“Are you smothering her enough?” asked Vanessa quietly.

“She needs to grow in a beautiful environment where men prance freely and wish to corrupt young girls!” I said sadly as Linda smacked me away from my embrace.

“Okay, that’s just sick. Young girls shouldn’t be corrupted and men never prance freely. What happened to your harem?” asked Dion.

“Mother took it away to motivate me in stopping the apocalypse… Oh just please! Come on! It’s not as if we have work when every thing’s in code red out there! It’ll be exciting and you’ll get cool outfits and gadgets,” I pleaded.

The three ladies looked at each other while Linda just glared at me. Probably cause of the “flat” comment but it was true, she was pretty flat for a succubus.

“Yeah, okay… Just cause I know you’ll be whining to us continuously until you get what you want… You have my teeth,” muttered Dion.

Oh! A Lord of the Rings moment! Dion could be such a nerd like that to quote something so ancient. Or perhaps it was because she was ancient that she was a nerd like that. The rest of us knew what to say since we all watched the classic retro movie during movie night at her place. She even had a working DVD player to screen it to us and those things were so 2000s.

“You have my claws!” continued Vanessa.

“And my… magic?” said Gillian unsurely.

“And I have my boobs! Yes, thank you girls!” I shrieked and clapped happily.

“Finally! Can we go out now? I want my massage,” droned Linda.

“Yes, yes we can!” I exclaimed.

And so we did.

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Well, this is seriously Sarah and that's all you need to know for now.

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