The last day of Romance week! Unfortunately for you this will be a mostly text post but no matter, I’ll try to make this short.

Before the week ends, you shall learn some TERMS used in the historical/fantasy romances and how to write one!

The very brief list of Romance Book terms that might possibly not be THAT accurate but whatever:

Consumption – A sickness usually the femmes in the books will have and die of if needed.

Rake – Is not a garden tool in modern terms, this would me a guy playaah!

Breeches – Pants.

Ton – It’s a social party place, not an amount of weight.

Stays – Used by the ladies to keep their clothes propped up if they have lost weight due to consumption. Usualy used in corsets.

Widow – Usually some experienced hot lady who could be a heroine and that her former husband was dead due to something and is now able to have hot sexings with anyone she wants with discretion.

Dance card – Held by the girl for people to fill in their names to dance with her at a ball.

Calling card – A card telling people who called on their house and is given to the help to pass the message to the call-ee.

Spinster – A person with some tragic circumstances before being whisked away by the hero to learn the joys of sexings.

END OF LIST.

I can’t remember any more since I don’t have a book with me at the moment but if any of you guys want any more, feel free to ask.

Now since today is the last day, I’m going to help you write a romance story. The kind with gropings on the cover. Well, I’ll just help you with the summary/plot anyway. Just fill in the below parts and you’d have your romance!

Get a pen and paper or type this somewhere, don’t read the below bits yet until you’re done with this. Write the items needed in each of the numbers below then replace it in the final “shell” at the bottom.

1) Choose a female name

2) Any profession/career/status

3) noun

4) noun

5) Male name

6) Any profession/career/status

7) verb

8 ) A specific time, choose day/night/o’clock/etc

9) place

10) noun

FILLER SPACE.

FILLER FOR YOU NOT TO SEE THE BOTTOM YET!

A Romance By You

(1) is a (2) bent on having a (3). Day by day she struggles with her secret that must not be told to anyone. It is a secret that involves a scandal between herself and (4).

(5) is a tortured (6). He (7) every (8), never knowing what it is to truly love someone until he met (1) at a (9). As he tries to stop himself into being plunged into her (10)’s, (1) falls deeply in love with him and wishes not to know her (4).

Will they realize that they are meant for each other?

Only YOU shall know.

And that’s it! Back to our other schedules on Monday, heh.

PS. It occurred to me that I WANT to see what your results of your romance by you story so put it under comments!

Day 4 of Romance Week and well, tomorrow should be the last day. Since yesterday was survival tips for the ladies, this post is for the guys!

I’m sure some of you might be wondering what on earth does my book collection consist of by now. (That’s Absolute Boyfriend by Yuu Watase.)

Yesss. Today it is how to be the perfect guy for the girl (in books)! Besides books, yes I do have comics and manga too but hey, it’s romance week, I didn’t specify it not to include manga (Japanese comics)!

Alright, okay… I’m just staring at my books for a moment there because I have no idea how to start yet. Got it! Now, this is the list of how to be the absolute boyfriend or the guy of her dreams if you’re in a romance book/comic.

How to be the Perfect Guy (in romance stories)

1) You need to be hot or irresistible

You don’t actually have to be really cute like woah. You just need to be attractive enough to get the attention of the girl. Eye catching like, you’re reading a book no other guy would usually read in a train (pick some interesting literature book that ISN’T part of your school syllabus or if you rescue some cats or something). That’s pretty eye catching.

2) Use cheesy lines in abundance like you’re some pizza maker!

CHEESE. A LOT OF IT. Mind you this is in romance story, it might not work in real life. Interestingly my friend is the translator for the above books so when I ask her, she definitely feels like dying of too much cheesiness of the dialogue. So, thus don’t do this in real life unless the girl really likes it. Let me get an example for Mayu Shinjo’s Blaue Rosen. Akira is the guy (amusingly the one with the black hair that looks like a girl) and Mizuki is the girl (the guy looking blonde one in the cover).

Mizuki falls in a bush of roses.

Akira: Gorgeous…

Mizuki: Stop being mesmerized by the roses and do something!

Akira: Who said anything about roses?

Akira pulls her up and embraces.

Akira: I was mesmerized by you.

WAAARGH, see!!!

3) IGNORE THE GIRL WHEN SHE’S DRESSED AS A GUY

Or try to pretend to do so. Usually the girls are actually crossdressing as a guy to avoid detection or are trying to be hired in the same cafe as you but it’s only a male cafe! She doesn’t really look like a guy guy… She just looks like a pretty boy because she doesn’t have big boobs or something. The girls are just trying to get close to you but do not tell them that you know they are girls and just pretend everything is normal even if you wish to hug her and tell her that she’s adorable.

4) Learn a martial art or some fighting skills!

You may not use them that often for a true man does not fight but uses his skills wisely! She’s gonna need some help. One girl can’t fight five guys and okay, normally one guy can’t fight five guys either but it helps that you can beat one up and then run away with the girl to escape! This gives you swooning points! It’s not that you can fight the people but the knowledge that you’re there to ALWAYS help her whenever she needs it.

5) Know what you want and don’t give up!

If you like her, there’ll be LOTS of obstacles like random gangsters or a rival who wants her too. Eventually, she’ll get to you but only if there aren’t any misunderstandings. You might be caught in a kiss from another girl because said evil girl knows that the heroine is watching!

~~~

Gee, there’s actually not that many points for guys since most of all, they need to be nice and GOOD.

However the difficult part would be sticking with the girl since she’d have to read magazines and do quizzes to figure out that yes, she is in love. Or if in the traditional historical romances, if she is the clueless sort, she will get hints that she’s in love from her relatives/best friend and go all le shock when she realizes it is true.

This is normal. Give the girl time unless she’s starting to do wibbly lips or something. Make sure you get to her before she is taken/carried/kidnapped/runs away though.

Anyway tomorrow is the last day of Romance Week! We’ll be back to other stuff then. Heh.

Day 3 of Romance Week and I don’t know if it should be in for the weekends or just until Friday, we’ll see!

In the world of romance, time travel is more of a normal occurrence than in science fiction. Seriously, if the person you are destined with is not in your current time line then obviously they’re in the past or the future!

Usually the past though.

Just cause then frilly dresses and kilts or horses are then involved.

Never you mind the logic of how and why but it usually happens to some female in our present time line (21st century) via magic or because it is in their fates. If you’re a guy reading this, then too bad for you because the survival guide is mostly for femmes. I’ll write some other guide for guys tomorrow!

The one on the left is “When There is Hope” by Jane Goodger. In fact, you can blame that book for starting the whole romance bit for me! Or you can backtrack even further because I bought that book (it was cheap and second hand) in a store near my secondary school and we had school assembly and I forgot to bring a book to read (it was compulsory that we needed to read something anyway).

So uh, blame the school system for you being blasted with romance!

But yes, you see… In romance, time travel is pretty easy. All you got to do is… Get hit in the head with a coma or die in a traffic accident where your soul will be transported into the past into the body of another woman!

These things happen more often than you think.

Also, usually the other body of said woman is hotter and said other woman is gone due to her being a horrid witch and that her soul has gone to damnation and the heroine is just there to use the body and set things right.

This is all balanced because even if it’s within horrid circumstances, there’s a hero there involved that makes things much more manageable.

I’m partial to Jane Goodger and if you ever see “When There is Hope”, BUY IT because it’s not in print any more (I think) since the last publication was in 1996. It is THAT nice of a story and the anguiiiish.

Okay, this is me being practical but if I went back in time into the body of some hot lady and am a princess of Whatsis, would it be a yes for me to stay there if possible? SO HERE IS A GUIDE IN SURVIVING TIME TRAVEL!

7 Tips to Surviving Time Travel if You’re a Romance Heroine

1) The internet doesn’t exist any more.

Understand your situation and that where ever you are in the past, you’re not ever going to touch the internet because computers haven’t been invented yet. Stop sobbing that you can’t twitter or do live journal posts any more. Cut it out and deal with it.

2) Check your current situation

It depends on your luck if you have a fairy Godmother or a sorceress as a guide. Usually angels will bring you revelation if any of the above aren’t there. However, if your guides are not available, fret not!

Check the status of the men surrounding you. If they’re wearing a skirt like thingy, that’s a kilt then you’re in some Scottish isle somewhere. Water would be eminent. If the men are wearing fur, you might have stumbled into some viking story! If yet the men are alas, wearing pants then you might have been in a somewhat civilized country like the Victorian age or perhaps in the time of knights.

3) Knowing who you are

Before prancing around in your new body, take stock if you have big boobies or rather pert ones. This is important as the hero will no doubt describe how good they are in the course of the later parts of the story. It wouldn’t do to be surprised if you didn’t have the similar sort of boobs in your previous body. Also, it is IMPORTANT to play the amnesia card here in case people send you off to the asylum to get treated. That way, you can have people explaining to you what had happened.

4) Using modern skills in the past

You can’t help it. Perhaps you’re in the Victorian age or just in the age when business is thriving and that it is still in the beginnings of a new world. Do you remember all that’s happened in the future? OF COURSE YOU DO.

For if you are dead in the future (our current present) because of something and that’s how you are transfered to the past, write a letter and find a law firm that would survive the times. With that done, write all the stock information that’s going to happen in the future and buy some bonds for said recipient of the package. Usually it would be your mourning fiance/husband/boyfriend. The money will console them somehow along with your great-great-great-great granddaughter who seems to meet him after your death.

That or pretend all the knowledge you have are skills of magic. Don’t do this if they’re burning witches where you are though.

5) There’s another man after you!

You’re freaking irresistible for who knows what reason. Besides the hero, there’s another man who wants you and will kidnap you for ransom or for other activities. If not a man, a jealous woman who wants the hero!

It is inevitable so don’t act surprised if you’re tied up on a tree in a secluded island or in a tower somewhere. Learn some skills such as climbing, hiding and disguises. They will help when you make your escape back to your home.

6) Be nice to people and not to cuss

I know this might be common sense but being nice to people means that they’ll help hide you from attackers or will side with you whenever the hero gets surly due to a misunderstanding. Furthermore since you are in the past, it would not do to cuss. Feel free to do so when you wish to shock people though because it stuns them to hear a pretty girl doing so.

7) Tell the truth only to the hero at the end of everything

You can’t help it. You will want to tell that you’re from the future. Do this only after the hero will believe whatever you say and after multiple sexings. If you do this in the beginning, you will be thrown into an asylum and be locked away. That would be utterly bad. By this point the hero will believe you and hurrah to you for surviving the whole ordeal!

~~~

And that’s the 7 tips to surviving it! If you should suddenly find yourself in the past, don’t forget to send me stock market tips or bonds for me to claim since I’m sure these tips will help you immensely.

It’s day 2 of Romance Week and if you haven’t noticed, I’m not doing the modern romance books but more of the historical/fantasy ones with people groping each other on the cover.

These books are sponsored by Arrch by the way. Yess.

Today we’ll learn some of the types of men in these books.

In romances, the lead hero is usually a pirate/ viking/ barbarian/ Scottish rogue/ baron/ chieftain/ utterly hot thing.

In The Pirate and the Pagan (Virginia Henley), the lead guy is some royal dude but he is also a privateer. In words, that’s just a fancy way for saying pirate!

Most men in the stories are men of power anyway. For the Love of a Pirate by Edith Layton (sponsored by Arrch too!) , heh, the hero is some lord of sorts and while this might be spoilerish, I doubt most of you are going to hunt down that book to read so I’m gonna tell you.

SPOILER:

The hero in the story isn’t a pirate. His father was and everyone else loved the pirate because he was nice and the hero was some stiff until he got on with this girl who was a pirate fangirl and all.

END SPOILER.

(Modest cover for Princess of the Veil by Helen Mittermeyer is a lie. Also note the vikings approaching the couple about to make out! Make sure no vikings are near you if you’re wanting to do so or else you might be interrupted. Also, I think the people above them are their parents or something since the King looks like he’s trying to ignore the would be kissage.)

As for the hero in Princess of the Veil, he is a Scottish chieftain who marries a Viking princess!

By now you might think that this post is just an excuse for me to post pictures of strong looking men groping swooning women.

This is not so.

Oh who am I kidding? YOU KNOW YOU LOT WANT TO SEE THEM.

Ahem, I’m just stating that the usual men in said romances have to be some really rich or powerful person of influence. Depending on the story, the girl might be powerful too in status or is utterly poor because hey, that’s how she’s rescued.

OR, the guy is powerful in STATUS but is poor and needs to marry for money. This is why he gets on with the girl who is rich but in the end THEY REALIZE that they’re both poor but STILL love each other.

Alas, the girl will think she is not for him and wishes for him to marry a rich girl to save his estate/clan/whatever. YET, said hero anguishes and okay in the end we know they get together somehow and they get rich due to some fluke like some relative dying or something.

Usually for pirates/vikings/barbarians, the girls get kidnapped and well… For ones I read, the girls escape/defeat the villains! But okay not really because the hero is there to help with the escape or fighting since it’s a whole collaboration thing. The guy can’t do it without the girl and the girl can’t take on an entire army by herself.
This is why it doesn’t bug the feminist side of me since they’re not being useless damsels in distress.

Anyway, the point is… You’ll never get a “normal” guy as a hero in these things because hey, if you’re doing a fantasy/historical thing, it’s even swoonier for the guy to be some hot shot rebel or something to rescue the girl (aka you).

I’ve got some books with civil war soldiers and Native Americans leads but I’m not taking pictures of them since they were kinda high on my shelf. Still, MEN OF POWER.

The more ridiculous and posher the parentage, the hotter he is. Also for some reason he’s BIGGER and stronger than everyone else in the book (except for his brothers or perhaps his buddy). If the romance fictional world was a universe and all these characters were together… Well wow, so many large guys jostling for space or something.

I should write about a Victorian ninja lord of whatsits wooing a secretly a pirate privateer crossdressing lady who has a past of angst and a little sister.

Somehow, why do I think that would be an AWESOME STORY?

Anyway, since you’ve read this far… Let me read you an AUDIO of The Pirate and the Pagan. Make sure you have headphones on or you’re alone. It will certainly make you want to get the book, yesssss…

Well helloooooo there! It’s Romance Week here at Seriously Sarah. I’m going to kick start with a kind of romance book you probably had never seen before!

The ILLUSTRATED romance book!

Heck yes.

This is Passion’s Blood by Cherif Fortin and Lynn Sanders.

Here’s the copy/paste description of the book:

Lady Leanna is a flame-haired beauty loved by her betrothed, Prince Emric, desired by his loathsome brother, Prince Bran. Although in love with Emric, Leanna has still not made her peace with the knowledge that this arrangement was forced upon her.

Prince Emric, noble and courageous, rides to war, ignorant of his brother’s dark treachery.

In a net of betrayal and violence, the young lovers must preserve their faith, and Leanna must keep Emric alive with her love and the magical powers she herself does not fully understand . . .

How can you not resist romance books with odd/posh character names and PASSHIONE (double points if you know where I got that spelling from)!

A fun fact! Do you see the guy on the cover? That’s Cherif Fortin! He collaborates with the photographer Lynn Sanders and I don’t know how but the both of them turn the photographs into beautiful art pieces.

YES, he is a model AND an artist (and photographer). Heck, the both of them are artists and photographers too so it’s like major awesome combo.

Besides romance book covers, in their portfolio, they do family portrait work or whatever people commission them to do (at least from what I saw years ago, depending if they changed their website).

Obviously it takes a lot of moolah because they’re really, really pretty.

You can see the inner pages here because I’m not going to show the other pages when the official website has given enough previews of the style. It’s like being considerate to the artist, you know?

Now… there’s quite a bit (read that as a lot) of illustrations in the book and the pages with just words looks like as if it were printed on some ‘old paper’ yellowish texture to suit the whole theme.

Okay compared to typical romance books, this is comparatively short but HEY, a picture is like a thousand words, right? So it should have… I’m not counting how many pages of illustrations it has but it’s got enough okay?

Where did I get this book? $35.69 at Open Trolley , I call that my “alternate universe” Amazon because it’s has cheaper shipping and pretty much has whatever book I need if it’s not available at Borders or Kinokuniya.

Now… for those who do read romance books and know what’s the “required” scenes in them (yes, there is a template!)… Heh, heh… Well, it would be telling if I described what pictures are in there, wouldn’t I?

Pfft, okay. It’s all pretty Pg13, the ILLUSTRATIONS, that is. Sorta.

Still… I don’t think you’d give this book to some young kid even if it’s technically a “picture book”… If you like painted artworks and romance, get Passion’s Blood! They’re having another book out in this style in September called There Be Dragons.

It’s a pretty nifty book although I prefer my normal words only book for the stories instead (I’m partial to time travelling romance stories, more on this later in the week).

If you know a friend who likes romance books, this is certainly a good book to give as a present. Just… Well, don’t read the book in an MRT or something because you’re definitely going to get weird looks from the people next to you.