Jupiter Ascending… ASCENDED

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I really like Jupiter Ascending and while there are so many websites and tumblr posts about the movie. Here is my non-spoiler reasons to watch it:

1) It is diverse. Like, ACTUAL diverse.

2) Space!Dorian is in there. You know, from Dragon Age: Inquisition.

3) Space!Dinosaur-men

4) Teeny fangs wolfy Channing Tatum

5) The lead heroine aka Jupiter is like us. Like, really.

6) Such romance. Such lines. I know some people will be screaming my name, wondering if I influenced the directors in the romantic lines (I didn’t).

7) It has a lovely story of really, the message is: What you do is not who you are.

You can be a sweeper or some minion but that’s not who you are. You are much more than that. And vice versa.

You can be a rich noble but who you really are might be a douchcanoe.


THANKS. THANKS FOR NUMBER 8 BY THE WAY. It really is. You know why?

It reminds me of times when we had Princess Bride, Legend (with the pantsless Tom Cruise) and Labyrinth.

IT HAD ENOUGH DRESS CHANGES AND PRETTY WARDROBE like it too. But yesss. All it needed was a ballroom dance scene. Was there a ballroom dance scene? I can’t remember because I was already stunned at the whole thing. PLEASE HAVE A BALLROOM DANCE SCENE IN EXTENDED VERSION.

There has to be one.

It’s like Sucker Punch with less suck.

While Sucker Punch made me go YES YES YES AND THEN no…no… nooo. After the fish dance peak in Sucker Punch, this just made me go “YOU DID NOT GO THERE. YES YOU DID GO THERE. OK. FINE. LET ME… SUPPORT YOU, JUPITER CAUSE you’re like a friend”.


For a spoilerific reaction WHY I liked Jupiter Ascending.

If you clicked this link straight without the read more, don’t read past my picture of my wrist with the word SPOILERS on it if you don’t want to be spoilered.

Or read my random ravings of the movie.




I just… drew that on my wrist with space ink.

OK. JUPITER ASCENDING IS AWESOME because while everyone says it is like that fanfic you read or wrote. It’s because it really is what you imagined and turned into reality.

Which meant, if you thought it was like fanfic, it really did feel like what you once thought of like everyone else.

To be special but with all that, there’s consequences.

It has space dinosaur-men, AWESOME WARDROBE, the reality that our reality is not just it and the ‘fix’ in how come we didn’t notice all these beings are pretty much explained!


Jupiter is a cleaner. That’s what she is but who she is a SPACE QUEEN. Due to her genes, she is the reincarnation of one of the mothers of a really big clan.

LOVING the whole bureaucracy and loop holes of legality because it really happens.  And Caine aka Space!Werewolf without wings Channing Tatum is really really nice? He’s not a douchecanoe and you actually DO cheer for him. He’s the Sk8ter Boy and the song by Avril Lavigne keeps playing whenever he does his jet shoes thing.

Everyone’s chasing after Jupiter and they’ve all got their reasons.

She’s relatively calm about it in a sense of panicking is not going to help at all. And really wow, she DOES love her family.

You have all these opportunities and stuff but she actually thinks bigger than herself.

It’s quite Hayao Miyazaki or you know, Doraemon movie ending in a way.

In which you do not do a selfish thing. Don’t be stupid, you know how reality is but you know what is the most valuable thing to you.

Sometimes it’s not about money or the great honour of being the greatest thing ever.

Sometimes, it really is about keeping people safe and not wanting others to ever be in pain.

Those things, those are the things that are really worth it.

And wow, the space crew of the Aegis. THEY ARE DIVERSE that they remind me of space crews of the 90s where you don’t only have white people in it. I mean, yeah. REALLY DIVERSE.

The romance? I REALLY LIKE THE ROMANCE. BECAUSE. Wow. They both know it is cheesy and so ‘wrong’ or at least at a wrong timing but hey, they DO sort of get together in the end. Their lines are so TRYING TO BE SMOOTH but failing. Jupiter. You’re suck a dork, you’re wonderful.


So many characters, so much of the Great Game (in Dragon Age terms), so much marrying for wanting to inherit stuff.

It just really. Ticks off so much of my checklists of what I like.

And… The ending. It really sets up like it can have MORE Jupiter Ascending in comic or any sequels of any form. GIVE ME MORE JUPITER ADVENTURES.

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Well, this is seriously Sarah and that's all you need to know for now.

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